So you made a wish on the creepy fortune teller machine from the movie Big and now you are sucked into a video game. I am going to tell you the top ten things to do in chronological order, so you can survive long enough to make your way out.
1) Address Your Surroundings
You just woke up and realize your wish came true. You need to look around and see if you are in immediate danger. Are you – hanging off a cliff, surrounded by a pack of wolves, surrounded by soldiers, in jail, or wounded?
2) Get to Safety
Find someplace relatively safe (this may be hard because you don’t know where you are). However, this is an important step because for the next couple steps you will need some time to think. As you are making your way to safety, look around and remember any symbols you see. Also, don’t forget to look in reflective surfaces (this will help with step 5).
3) Check for Abilities
It is important to check if you have any powers or abilities (it could prove useful later in your journey). First, see if you can fly – close your eyes and think happy thoughts. Next, see if you are super strong – try to pick up something heavy. Lastly, focus and see if you have Max Payne’s “Bullet Time” or the ability to slow down time. These are some of the major abilities to check on, but feel free to check for others.
4) Check Your Inventory
Pull everything out of your pockets. Make sure you check for weapons! It is very important that you know what you have (you may need these things later). Steps 3 and 4 are important for getting the most out of step 5.
5) What Game Are You In?
If you pull a gun with a chainsaw on it, then you know you are in Gears of War. If you see Covenant or Prometheans, then you are definitely in Halo. Look for that reflective surface if you haven’t seen yourself already. If you can discover what game you are in, then you will have a much better idea on what needs to be done in order to beat this game. This will also help with knowing where to go next and who you can or can’t trust.
6) Time to Go to Town
Go to the nearest city, town or village. Where this place is located is not important, but what you do there certainly is. Do not go to a military base or the police (that never ends well). You could be behind enemy lines or have a bounty on your head. When you are entering town, be careful. Anything can happen! You should talk to people though. Ask if there is an ominous prophecy or a mysterious stranger.
7) Make Friends
You need to eat, sleep, and go potty. If you meet someone who will take you in, all these goals can be achieved in one place. You should always try to find another space marine or dark knight to assist on your journey.
8) Only Fools Fall In Love
Don’t fall in love or become too attached to anyone. People may die and you don’t want to get all boo-hoo about it. This would only make your mission more difficult. You may also have to make a choice to save them or save the world. Save the world! Remember this is a game and they are not real.
9) Take up the Local Cause
Your goal is to leave the game, so you must beat it in order to do so. Ask around to see if there is an evil dictator or foreign country that needs to be invaded. Try to find a “Main Mission” and then you will know the exact path to follow in order to free yourself from this world. Follow this main storyline and don’t stop until you see credits rolling.
10) Game Over Man, GAME OVER
Congratulations, you did it! Now look for a gateway or some sort of portal. If one of these can’t be located then try doing a Quantum Leap. It is best if you don’t say goodbye to any friends you may have made (this will just make it harder to leave). Just ride off into the sunset!
*If you can’t find a gateway or exit, then it looks like you are in a franchise or series and you must have been automatically transported into the first sequel. In this case, there might not be an exit. These things are usually milked forever. Good luck!